5 things to do when the Metro accidently stops enroute

·         Call your college buddies, say your name, ask how are you, and then say, you are in the Metro, there is a network issue and disconnect; that way they can’t say that you don’t ever call them

·         Peek outside the glass and count the no. of trees on the ground (in day)/peek outside the glass and count the no. of cars on the road (in night)

·         Take out your phone, start talking loudly mentioning your upcoming/past encounters with famous people in believable situations, i.e. when is the shoot with Shahrukh; when is minister sahib coming, I heard he cancelled the trip to discuss the border situation with the PM; Sania eats at my friend’s restaurant every Friday, I will catch her there this time, so on and so forth

·         Walk from one end of the Metro to another (if you are a male, please don’t enter the ladies coach) while keeping your head down and blurting out ‘Excuse me(s)’ to everyone

·         Ask someone to let you use their mobile phone while also mentioning that they shouldn’t be scared, you just look like a wannabe thief and anyway, you can’t run with their phone as the metro is not moving   

5 things to wonder about while you are stuck in a Delhi-NCR traffic jam

·         Wonder what would be happening at that same moment on a European beach and in an African jungle

·         Wonder if humans stopped wearing clothes from tomorrow what will you do with your wardrobe

·         Wonder if there is no food and drinks available from tomorrow what kind of food and drinks will you buy and store today

·         Wonder if you were an Indian independence revolutionary with a family of six to feed will you have given your life for the nation

·         Wonder if you were not stuck in this jam and would have reached home/office/elsewhere, would you be focusing on the work or would you be wondering what will happen when I earn a lot more money and get a lot more fit

Earn a Thousand for us, Take home a Ten after a Sixteen-hour workday and a Smile: The motto of today’s corporate India

Today’s corporate India is getting greedier as each financial year passes. This is true for the private multi-nationals both which originated within India and outside and the government companies which hire staff on contract since their permanent staff can’t be exploited as much.

I got a personal experience of this greedy corporate world. I worked 16 hours a day, day after day handling a two person full-time work while providing 24 X 7 availability. I had my reasons like many employees of this world have theirs. And as expected, I had a meager salary for the amount of business I was handling for my company.

Why didn’t I say no? Well, I am a middle-class Indian male who has an engineering degree. There are a lot of people like me in India.

These people know that they can’t just quit the job of an engineer in a country where their whole life is built around it.

Their parents, relatives and the society respect them because of this job; they got married because of this job; they got their house and car loans because of this job. And so, these dependencies, read, ‘pre-requisites for living in middle-class India’ made one thing very clear for a middle-class Indian male who has an engineering degree, ‘you can’t leave your sixteen-hour workday job where you earn a negligible amount for the amount of work you do.’

A major contributing factor to this on-going blackmailing of corporate India is that 65% of India’s population is in the age group of ‘Becomers’ i.e. 35 years of age or less and about 50% is under 25 years of age.[1]

This combined with the low vocational skills our colleges give to the up and coming employees and entrepreneurs, the Indian workforce is compelled to compete in a cut-throat world for jobs.

This weakness of India’s youth gives extraordinary leeway to corporates to manipulate and exploit its workforce.

References

[1] https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/apr/08/india-leaders-young-people-change-2014-elections

The Private Engineers: How the Govt. fooled our parents

You know, I liked science, I wanted to study it. I studied it. I got the Engineering degree although I don’t consider myself an engineer. I am currently in the Project dept. where I do simple numeric calculations on excel-sheets and write emails all day. That’s not science, at least, not for me. Even, the people in the Engineering dept. don’t do science. They just read about it in manuals.

I work in a company who sells electrical bulbs to people. We don’t manufacture electrical bulbs; we buy them. Our vendors who manufacture these bulbs also don’t manufacture these bulbs, they just assemble it. Most of the time, all the required parts for manufacturing the bulb are imported from China, especially the technical one which requires all the engineering, the chip.

So, what exactly is India’s countless private college educated Electronics and Electrical Engineers’ doing in companies like mine, you ask; they are doing simple numeric calculations on excel-sheets and writing emails all day.

And, please don’t take me wrong, it is not as if Indians are incapable of engineering and development. A sizeable no. of developers and engineers in the west are of Indian origin or Indian expats. It is that they got the opportunity to do something better with their careers and so they got out of here.

In the headline I said that the Govt. fooled my parents because after graduating from the 12^th standard in 2003 most of my classmates went on to study engineering. Some of them in public colleges like the Indian Institutes of Technology and the Center/State recognized government colleges, whereas, most of them, like me only got admission in the private college.

I can tell you about my college a bit more objectively now since it’s been nine years since I graduated. It was a waste. Sure, I made some life-long friends but that was on my time. The college which should have taught me engineering taught me to just mug-in all theory and formulas and see what I can score.

Some teachers tried to teach us but what could they have done when they had earned their degrees just from a college like ours.

And that is why, I am mad at how the Govt. fooled our parents. Yes, our parents because what good did we know at that age?

The Govt. told our parents that there is a huge scope of job prospects in engineering especially Computers and IT, except in 2003, when Electronics and Communication was all the rage and our parents bought it.

What really happened is that the Govt. gave private colleges which offered sub-standard premises and below average educators to have a free-run in handing out engineering degrees to non-suspecting students. The Govt.’s justification, ‘The world says India needs more engineers.’ The Govt.’s catch: ‘It means India needs more people with engineering degrees’. [1] & [2]

So what really happened when the privately-educated graduated from engineering colleges is that we had to study again to get to a level where we can get a job in the real world and most of my Electronics and Communication engineering (E.C.E.) classmates did get a job but just not in their field. 

After studying 4 years of E.C.E. engineering, my classmates were studying Computer programming languages. Why?

Just because, that’s where the jobs were and to get that job you just don’t have to compete with fellow E.C.E or Computer or IT graduates, you have to also compete with Mechanical, Electrical, Civil, Automobile, Biotechnology, Astronomical, Chemical, you name it graduates because the I.T. sector is where the decent paying jobs were, as the Non-IT job you would only fetch a privately-educated fresh engineer 50% of what an I.T. engineer draws.

And even in the I.T. companies in India, most of us were only doing the work which we would have learnt with a professional vocational diploma certificate by spending 50% time and 50% money less than what we spent in engineering.

For clarification, I got a job in a sector where my work was dictated by a subject which was one of the 40 subjects I cleared during college. 1 of 40!

My personal opinion is that the Govt. for their own vested interests just fooled our parents into letting their children waste their time and money on an engineering education based in a utopian world which was a complete mismatch from the required academic standards and the job prospects of the real world.   

References:

[1] http://indiatoday.intoday.in/story/national-employability-report-on-engineering-graduates-net-java-hcl-technologies/1/248970.html

[2] https://www.quora.com/What-are-some-bitter-truths-about-engineering-in-India

Factors behind the supreme success of Marvel Cinematic Universe Films

Among the superhero-based feature film universes, it won’t be wrong to say that Marvel Cinematic Universe’s films has replicated their comic counterpart’s model of a thoroughly shared universe on screen and in doing that Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU) has set an unparalleled example for other studios producing similar films to follow.

MCU has released thirteen feature films yet since May 2008 and plan to release nine more till May 2019 bringing their total to 22 feature films in what they call is their first saga [1]. This saga is divided into three phases.

Phase 1:

1.      Iron Man (2008)

2.      The Incredible Hulk (2008)

3.      Iron Man 2 (2010)

4.      Thor (2011)

5.      Captain America : The First Avenger (2011)

6.      Marvel’s The Avengers (2012)

Phase 2:

1.      Iron Man 3 (2013)

2.      Thor : The Dark World (2013)

3.      Captain America : The Winter Soldier (2014)

4.      Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

5.      Avengers : Age of Ultron (2015)

6.      Ant-Man (2015)

Phase 3:

1.      Captain America : Civil War (2016)

2.      Doctor Strange (2016) *

3.      Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) *

4.      Spider-Man : Homecoming (2017) *

5.      Thor : Ragnarok (2017) *

6.      Black Panther (2018) *

7.      Avengers : Infinity War (2018) *

8.      Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) *

9.      Captain Marvel (2019) *

10.  Untitled Avengers sequel (2019) *

* means Unreleased as of yet.

Other than the feature films, the Marvel Cinematic Universe also consists of television series, short films, comic books and a viral marketing show. Clearly, the scope of their shared fictional universe is unprecedented.

Listed below are a few major factors behind the success of MCU’s feature films which work time and again, both, commercially (the released films’ revenue is of $ 10.2 billion on a budget of $2.4 billion) and critically (the films have a combined 81% rating on review aggregator website Rotten Tomatoes) [2]:

1.      Making sure the universe’s timeline doesn’t contradict itself:

There’s no worse pay-off for a dedicated viewer of such films than when he/she finds out that the event which happened a few years back in that first film has been changed because of cast and crew scheduling problems or money problems or creative control problems or any problem whatsoever. Disregard of their own timeline by filmmakers makes viewers cringe and think that if the filmmakers are themselves not serious and invested in their films, why should they be?

However, MCU has up till now been able to sacredly maintain their timeline retaining their viewers’ investment, thus, creating the viewers’ craving to want for more. [3]

2.      Ability to rope in commercially successful and critically acclaimed actors, writers and directors:

Actors such as Anthony Hopkins, Robert Redford, William Hurt, Ben Kingsley, Jeff Bridges, Natalie Portman, Gwyneth Paltrow and Brie Larson (1 Academy Awards® win each), Mark Ruffalo and Edward Norton (3 Academy Awards® nominations each), Robert Downey Jr. and Jeremy Renner (2 Academy Awards® nominations each), Samuel L Jackson, Jeff Goldblum, Josh Brolin, Benedict Cumberbatch, Mickey Rourke, Don Cheadle and Terrence Howard (1 Academy Awards® nomination each), Tom Hiddleston and Guy Pearce (1 Emmy® win each), Idris Elba (5 Emmy® nominations), Scarlett Johansson and Rebecca Hall (1 BAFTA® win each), Paul Bettany (1 BAFTA® nomination) are members of the lead and supporting cast of these films.

Writers and Directors such as Joe Johnston (1 Academy Awards® win), Kenneth Branagh (4 Academy Awards® nomination), Joss Whedon and Taika Waititi (1 Academy Awards® nomination), Alan Taylor, Anthony Russo, Joseph V. Russo, Christopher Markus and Stephen McFeely (1 Emmy® win each) have lent their services to these films.  [4], [5], [6]

3.      Letting each movie have an independent and distinct voice

One of the main reasons for MCU’s success is the creative freedom they provide to each individual film unit for doing their own thing as long as the films come from the same source material and they’ve got their Marvel logo in front of them as per the producer/co-producer for each of the above MCU films and President of Marvel Studios, Kevin Feige [7].

Although notably, sometimes the creative differences between the studios, producers and the film cast and crew have led to such incidents as  

·        Exit of actor Terrence Howard from portraying James Rhodes

·        Exit of actor Edward Norton from portraying Bruce Banner/The Hulk

·        Exit of director Edgar Wright as the director of Ant-Man

·        The Likely Exit of actor Natalie Portman (portraying Jane Foster) from Thor films [8]

However, when exploring uncharted territory, there’s bound to be friction amongst the team but as they say ‘The show must go on.’

And it seems Marvel has imbibed that philosophy in their vision having managed to make creatively distinct and commercially successful films while crafting a truly shared feature film universe.

References:

[1] & [7] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marvel_Cinematic_Universe

[2] & [8] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Marvel_Cinematic_Universe_films

[3] http://marvelcinematicuniverse.wikia.com/wiki/Timeline

[4] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Academy_Awards

[5] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Primetime_Emmy_Award

[6] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/British_Academy_Film_Awards

Attenborough and Gandhi

Richard Attenborough (a British) was trying to make a movie on Gandhi's life since 1962, we made a movie on the father of our nation in 1996 and people are pissed about the fact that Ben Kingsley (half Indian) played the role of Gandhi.'

I guess we Indian filmmakers should just fuck off....

OSCAR SELECTION COMMITTEE OF INDIA

I don't know what the fuck is OSCAR SELECTION COMMITTEE OF INDIA....
I can safely tell you people that there is no FILMFARE SELECTION COMMITTEE in USA....

And also if Indian government thinks that Oscar is more prestigious than Filmfare, then don't fucking submit BURFI as your submission. It hurts you assholes, it hurts.....

And also don't fucking meddle with films "you-not-for-any-good" Indian government....

Anurag Basu and his films

Anurag Basu, the film maker of Barfi (AN INDIAN OFFICIAL SELECTION TO OSCARS) lifted Billy Wilder's whole movie "THE APARTMENT" scene by scene in LIFE IN A METRO and didn't had the manners and etiquette to even acknowledge it and you send his films to OSCARS....gr8 you ASSHOLES...I don't know who was that saint who selected "HARISHCHANDRACHI FACTORY", one of the best movies of the last decade, to be sent to OSCARS, i can't believe it was the OSCAR SELECTION COMMITTEE

ज़मीन

हम ज़मीन के लिए ऐसे लड़े कि हम उसमें ही मिल के ख़ाक बन गए, 
कुछ हिन्द बन गए तो कुछ पाक बन गए, 
सोचने वाला सोचता होगा कि ब्रह्मांड में इतनी ज़मीन है फिर भी हम, 
नए ग्रहों के खोजी बनने के बजाए अपने ही ग्रह के गुस्ताख़ बन गए ।

Ages Back from Back to the Future 2

Whenever people say we are so technologically advanced, I reply "Watch Back to the Future II and see how far behind we are", we don't even have hoverboards as of now.

Dilli 6

You know when you have been born and brought up in Old Delhi, it kind of gets to your head. 
The PM flows the national flag in your backyard, the President comes to watch Ramleelas at your cricket grounds, filmmakers like Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra makes big-budget movies in your narrow gullies. Feeling a bit more proud than I usually am. 
दिल्ली - ६

Gandhi and Bhagat Singh

Debating on who was more great Gandhi or other leaders Like Bhagat Singh, Sardar Patel is like debating whether which movie is more great, Rang De Basanti or Lage Raho Munnabhai. In one sentence, both are equally great. So please just move on, and try concentrating on making other great movies now and for our future like Ship of Theseus and The Lunchbox otherwise we will just keep making Chennai Expresses' and Himmatwala's and like our industry, our nation will keep becoming full of shit.

To separate India and Pakistan

If Indians and Pakistanis believe in geographical eras, we will have to remind ourselves to try really hard to separate ourselves from each other because about 100 million years ago the mighty Gondwana continent tried to separate our land masses but was unable to do so, so dum laga ke haisha, zor laga ke haisha.